Sunday, 15 December 2013

Are You With Me Now?

"Letting my boredom reduce me to comparing Henry Hoovers on Amazon"


Yes, Comrades

If a man walks into a restaurant, and asks for a pie, but instead receives a lobster hammer from the waiter, who is actually a creature composed entirely of tears and sneezes, a rift shall open up in the universe and show the man that the lobster hammer is, in fact, not a lobster hammer at all, but the eternal bleakness of eternity. You shall then see the harsh reality that you are in fact a solitary emu skating through the galaxy of toffee ice cream, and that the correct answer to this question is as follows:

"No thank you sir, for I wield the true lobster hammer! Bane to all pine cones for I am the world's first and only retrolentual pine cone slayer!"


Yes. Yes indeed. But you shall soon find out that the galaxy is, in fact, not really a galaxy but a facade. You see the galaxy soon becomes a universe of doubtful cherry drops mixed with the taxes of a small nation. This nation produces the most delightful soup that you shall ever taste. But then you find out that it is not really soup, but a giant pool of honey. As you swim through this pool you gain the knowledge of the ages, but you forget why.

And the true answer to the question is as follows:

"No thank you sir, for I am the world's first and only retroactive typewriter machine! Good nooboo!"

Between writing stellar philosophy such as what you see above, letting my boredom reduce me to comparing Henry Hoovers on Amazon, waking up with texts that say "Vip cigs go to google and click vip cigs and order photon tank costs 40£ all together all the best mate stevie" and having no idea where they came from and rubbing shoulders with the stars like so...

...I've not been doing a whole lot. But that's all changing, droogs. I return to the land of the free in about 24 hours from you reading this. It'll be the exact same system as before, with one tiny tweak: I'm sticking that there song link at the top of the entry, as it was pointed out by people that people kept forgetting to listen to the song as they read the entry (or as I predicted, didn't bother listening at all. You bastard people). Makes sense. I've started with this entry, by the way. Anyway, I need to be getting on, that xbox isn't going to waste human life on its own! Hope you enjoy the journey to some extent.

Never forget.
Oh, one more thing.

I...I love you...

In a bit.

"I have no reason to run - I see no reason"

No comments:

Post a Comment