When Irie Nancy got out of work today, I struggled to make my day up to that point sound interesting. So I'm going to do you a real favour and change it a bit. Let's go back...way back...
As a nipper, when I was still kickin' it to R.E.M. and The Commitments (not like there's anything wrong with that!), the in thing was to have a vagina. Little Natalie had one, little Carly had one and little Johnny had one. Little Johnny had just found out about his vagina, or at least what such a thing was. So, he asked little Dread if he had one. God forbid little Dread look uncool - of course he had a vagina! Who do you think he was, some uncool guy? A little confused but safe in the knowledge that a vagina had to be some kind of Tamagotchi or Cyber Pet, little Dread goes home first chance he gets. He heartwarmingly explains to his parents that everyone else has a vagina, and he really wants one, so please get him one of his own, parents. Little Johnny has since gone on to join the Royal Air Force - little Dread has since gone on to write diaries for the internet.
First off, we came home so I could laugh at Nancy's childhood poem about Heaven. Seriously though, she made Heaven sound mega. We then went to the Sheba household to sing the birthday chorus to Grand Daddy Sheba. His name is Eddy. The pineapple upside-down (or is that upside-down pineapple?) cake was great.
We then decided to put this bastard Zia business to bed once and for all. We went to Camelback. For those who don't remember, I said last time that Zia shops would not have something, then you'd go back whenever, that same day even, and they'd have it. They're pulling the opposite Houdini shite now! So I give up my quest for that certain DVD, for now.
We went back and Alecia pulled up behind us. An American football game was on, but fuck all that caper innit? A foot barely connects with a ball at all in their version of the glorious game, even they admit that. I've started getting hugged by everyone as they leave too, before I've even time to ask who the bollocks they are.
We went home and watched some Super High Me. There now follows a break in transmission.
"I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time - I'll give it right back to ya one of these days"
In a bit.