Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Don't Swallow The Cap


Yes, Comrades

Be warned - this day begins the descent into Fear and Loathing. We woke at a fine time and checked out after failing to find speakers. Feeling reasonably healthy, we crossed the walkway into Excalibur. Honestly, I preferred Luxor. We got to our room (smoking my arse) and got cleaned up. On with Spongebob and down to the pool.

The biggest one was closed. By 2:30pm, so many people were already drunk it was just plain impressive. The ladies dipped their toes and I kicked my little feet for about an hour, as Sheba headed back to Luxor looking for her pillow. No joy. So we're all back in the room, smoking in the steamy bathroom and watching Family Feuds. Tea time.

Camelot. Camelot. Camelot! It's only a model. Or in this case, the best steakhouse in Vegas. French onion soup, a 10oz steak and chocolate lava cake with ice cream, with a few cocktails. To fucking die for, seriously. After that, some caniving cow tricked us into making our own music video, which we now own. Baby indeed got back.

Dolled up in the room, then it's time to do the Mario. Hopefully you get what I mean. Hallucinogenics, there. We strutted down the strip, getting escort cards and VIP passes til I've got nothing but a pocketful of titties. We went through The Chandelier Club, which was a pure trip. We made it to the Bellagio for the water show, but didn't stick around for it. At 1am we marched/flew back, making new friends (and in Sheba's case, boyfriends) all the way.

Back at Excalibur, we sipped ice water in ecstasy and I decided I wanted one more smoke before bed. This changed everything. They went to the restroom and I began overhearing quite a grim phone conversation. We reunited, and Mama began conversing with the phone lady. Her name was Sarah from Oregon and my God was she strange. Mama went to a party with some boyfriends and Nancy and I tried to stop Sarah from Oregon from having a nervous breakdown. She hated Vegas, she hated Excalibur and she hated sobriety most of all. Every time I was left with her, I was invited to her room and touched and oh God it was proper horrorshow. Eventually Nancy and I went to our room, contorting, and tried to sleep. Sheba came in at 5am, and we swallowed three hours of sleep.

"I'm not alone, I'll never be - and to the bone, I'm evergreen"

In a bit.

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