Sunday, 9 June 2013

Have You Ever Had It Blue?


Yes, Comrades

It was quite a sleep indeed. We were up reasonably bright-eyed and checked out without issue. We had decided by this point we were done in with all the moving around, so we booked a suite at the Luxor. Our room wasn't yet ready, so we stuffed our faces at McDonalds for dirt cheap, then headed up.

It felt nice to unpack and know it wouldn't have to be packed up again the next morning in a blind panic. The blind panic was soon to follow though. As I went to do my not-blog, 'transaction has been declined'. Uh oh. All the ATMs were 'out of order' as soon as my card with the midas touch entered them. Luckily Nationwide aren't Santander and a quick phone call solved everything.

Two phone calls were next. We got us some tickets for a show, and I contacted Tonya, an Asian lady of the night. For whatever reason, the early evening was then spent eating more McDonalds, watching what must've been a season of Family Feud and then Baggage. It's like Mr Springer is typecast for trash telly.

As 10pm neared, we did the Mario and made our way to see Fantasy, the topless cabaret. Those two were tripping all through the show, the arsebandits. I felt next to nothing. Still, it was top drawer. Ms Lorena 'best name ever' Peril sang and joked her wee heart out alongside a troupe of very long-legged beauties and a comedian by the name of Sean E Cooper. He was a piss laugh, particularly in the shoes of the late, great James Brown. We got photos and headed to the room for my little visit.

Those two left, the gear I'd taken more of began to take hold and there was a knock at the door. This was no Tonya, this was some Spam-loving, pineapple-worshipping bitch. I'm not going to get into details, but let's just say it's been done and if you want to know if you should do it, I'll have a very clear answer for you.

After the whore-ible (I'll get me coat) experience, we did our usual and wandered the hotels in a druggy euphoria. Sheba headed back to the Luxor, whilst Nancy and I saw some crazy sights in the forms of sauced Asians attempting the buddy system; a golden lion in the golden garden and a genuine water wall. That was quite a sight through kaleidoscope eyes. We finally made it back and drifted off at 6am, feeling pretty good.

"The holder of the keys turns out to be the one - the girl you had your heart set on"

In a bit.


  1. Awww, drugs and prostitutes, it's like the best rom-com ever. When you say pineapple worshipping, do you mean Hawaiian?

  2. Yep. Still proper raging about that...good thing I kept her card so I can sue them under the Trades Description Act!

  3. Does that apply to sex workers? Can I be your lawyer? I'm great at all the lingo!