Saturday, 1 June 2013



Yes, Comrades

A nice, lazy morning reading about 300 year old but kind of 12 vampire girls who are really boys, and Irie Nancy nets us a lift. After that Kool-Aid that keeps getting kooler, we headed to Fascinations sex shop. We had no reason, but we didn't need one. Some of the stuff humanity can dream up boggles my bollocks. There was a TV crew there too, with some blonde bitch with all the answers hosting. We noticed it quite late, so if I make an appearance on some deviants documentary, you're fucking welcome.

Next, to an Italian deli. A keg of olives for $8 but a pithy meat selection. I was treated to a selection of olives, I cleaned myself up (wink wink) and we made for (the) Metro Center.

All the shops were shut. Well, not all, but a mad amount. This is apparently why no one goes anymore. I spent roughly a monkey on candy, trying to get all the iconic foods of the country. I got Sugar Babies, a Butterfinger, Laffy Taffy, 'darkside' Skittles (I'unno) and the biggest bloody gummy bear you ever saw in your life! I'm sat admiring it now, it looks far too good to eat. I shall name him Squishy and will I bollocks because I'm not pathetic. Hot Topic isn't that emo, by the way. Anyway, we visited another pet adoption center where yours truly and a scamp named Rusty had a Mexican standoff through the perspex. Last to Spencers gift shop. After a nice game with a dodgeball fashioned after a boobie while wearing our 'Fuck dem sluts' caps, we got John Lennon/bow tie glasses, respectively, and an ashtray, at last. A smoking room without an ashtray. Honestly...

Red Lobster! I had a Malibu Hurricane with my 1 1/4lb lobster (named Angelika to emphasise the fact I saw her alive a half hour before eating her and as such, ate a friend. Poor Nancy) and droogs, it was incredible. Seriously, I'm not big on seafood, but lobster is perfection. Had to YouTube how to eat the damn thing first mind you...

Quick stop at Mama Sheba's then to her brother Raoul's to smoke crazy strong stuff and watch a bit of Project X. Meh, nothing special.

The club we wanted in sabotaged us, would only accept my passport. Utter fuckrats. So we took Mama to hospital to see her brother James' newborn, then back to our respective abodes. And still not a boring day...

"Oh my God, it's a mirage - I'm telling you all, it's sabotage!"

In a bit.

1 comment: