Monday, 27 January 2014

Bohemian Rhapsody


Yes, Comrades

You know what I'm sick of? Everyone being my boyfriend and girlfriend. If it's not The Governor from The Walking Dead (though admittedly I just capitalised his name) it's Pan from Dragonball fucking GT, and if it's not her I'm shagging Anthony Hopkins, of course, when he's not available, Emily Browning's getting it. Christ, I wish. But aye, I'm not allowed to like anyone or they're my new partner, apparently. Poor Emily.

Irie Nancy was at work for all of thirty minutes today, business must be quiet. Wait. I already knew that when she told me they fly a remote control shark balloon around the office. We made the most of this golden opportunity by sitting around not really doing a bunch. Then became time to visit Snappy's, which sounded like a right giggle.

Snappy's, as it turned out, is a car wash, doo doo, doo doo. If I had a manager, this is where I'd say "I can't work with this". Oh, that reminds me. I made a joke before about doing stand up...I'm considering doing it for real, based on advice. Yes, that was a joke in itself. Or was it? Even I'm not sure this time, comrades.

Why do people visit libraries to sit on YouTube, what's the fucking point? Pisses me off. So we were there, that happened. At home, we spent a fair whack of time getting dolled up like we were going to meet Emily Browning or somet -- fuck!

Sooner than we knew, we'd been to Sheba's, then to Tree's cousin's, back to Sheba's and we were on our way to Westdale, a very, very American bar. It was Vern, Tree's mum's birthday and we were having a spiffing karaoke night to celebrate. All the old faces were there including California Guy, Tiffany, Sue, Jack Daniels, Santa Claus, the accent-loving couple. Sheba's dad Ed even came along, which is always good.

It was a slow start, but there was always someone singing and soon enough, it was my turn. They really didn't know what I got with my little Deuce Coupe. The beer flowed and Sue gave me a go on her Jack and honey, which is a beautiful thing. You can imagine where this lead, I'm sure. If anyone from there is reading this, I'm so sorry for what I did to Don't Dream It's Over, I should be on the sex offenders register for that. Turns out Ed, Sheba and Tree are all fantastic singers and entertainers. I dueted/ruined Hey Jude with Ed and we left.

And I'm amazed I even made it to bed last night.

"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me"

In a bit.

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