Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Constant Surprises


Yes, Comrades

So there I was, at the Phoenix Stand Up Live club. This place is Comedy Central approved so I know to expect quality. It's open mic night, so the locals are just having a pop to see if their jokes might be worthy of having a DVD released full of them every November in time for Christmas. Turns out they're not. So, I decide to give it a go. I get up onto the stage, swagger over to the mic and pick it up. I scan my audience slowly and some cock shouts out "Tell us a joke!". I look slowly at him, my face morphs into a scowl, my lip curls up and in an exasperated manner I give him my reply: "No". The audience laughs. Pulling material from myself, but mainly Billy Connolly, Jack Dee and Stewart Lee (people I know Americans won't know), I deliver a glorious fifteen minute set.

Had you for a sec. Not one part of that is true, but if you believed it, I may well do it before I leave. Anyway, Mrs Nancy and I went to Safeway then Walgreens for wrapping paper and an action figure of The Governor. If there are any Walking Dead fans reading this, he is the best and you are wrong. I'm not joking.

We got home and I wrapped the presents. This took about thirty mins, which is shameful, but then, so am I, just in general. Eventually we left, with yours truly behind the wheel! That was quite a trip, I'll say that much. We got back and all of us sort of flitted around, waiting for X, Alecia and the kids, I don't think I've named them yet - Noa and Tatumn.

When they did arrive, we all had sloppy Joes - a hamburger roll filled with hamburger meat, sprouts and Kraft dinner. Then, Nancy blew out her candles and began unwrapping. X had got her an Andrea action figure, so she was made up, with her two least favourite characters and her Walking Dead socks. Fans of the show will also know why that's a frickin' cool present combo, especially when unplanned.

As we went from the smoke shop to Sheba's, we had a little chat about The Clash and why Rock The Casbah has the greatest music video of all time (see: armadillos). We may have picked up some bomb somewhere in between as well. We got back and guess what was on? Go on, guess. You'll never guess. Dumb and Dumber, at the Gigolo Aunts scene too. Shit has come full fucking circle.

Back home it was an early night with some Beverly Hills Ninja. Purer comedy.

"The higher forces want to connect"

In a bit.

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