Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Bonzo Goes To Bitburg


Yes, Comrades

Ten hours simply isn't long enough to be lying in bed dreaming about how great you are, and that's a fact. Do you ever read someone's tweet and literally say "Shut up" out loud? I once figuratively said "Shut up" out loud - I didn't actually say that, I said "Shuttle U" and I didn't say it out loud. But some people on Twitter do it literally, I'm told, and get lots of attention for saying so, or that the year 9 banter page is their favourite.

I sure do love it when people use words correctly by saying things like that. So Nancy was finishing off Blade Runner whilst I finished myself off, courtesy of Prisoner: Cell Block H. That's a fucking joke, I'd like to make that clear. I perused me phone's notepad and tried desperately to make sense of the little reminders I'd written for myself - I still haven't figured out what 'King Ragnar' is all about.

With apple in hand, I planked myself on Sheba's couch and the usual filmfest began with Friday. I honestly really liked this one, it was so refreshing compared to watching Feminem moping and bitching for two hours, trying so hard, bless him, to show how rough and tough his teenage years were with those big nasty black men drinking and burping around him. Ugh. Friday was great.

During the intermission, Family Matters was on. I hoped the title wouldn't be as literal as Family Ties' was. Out he came, Steve Urkel. Up til that point I thought Steve was his real name - I insult people from time to time by saying 'Even Steve Urkel would look at you and say "Wow that guy is a dork"' but I never really understood it. My heart was warmed by finding out what TGIF meant in the 80s.

Bad Boys. What you gonna do? Well, I watched it. Fuck it, I watched the second one right after. I honestly preferred the first one, it wasn't too long and it had a slightly better story. Jesus though, the pair of them are overrated as fuck. Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies? People who think his movies are the baddest arse things ever probably also think Cheap Trick Live In Budokan is the very definition of rock and roll.

All this talk of Michael Bay has put me in mind of Team America. Did you see Matt Damon in that? His acting skills were better than ever. We went home quite early to watch Dirty Work, which has as many cameos as I have notches in my bedpost. I counted at least one cameo which I'm not sure counted. I'd like to clear up some confusion here also: when I say 'We went to Mama Sheba's,' it isn't code for 'We smoked pot,' it may surprise you to find out it actually means 'We went to Mama Sheba's.' Get off your high horses.

"My brain is hanging upside down, I need something to slow me down"

In a bit.

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