Wednesday, 22 January 2014

She Loves You


Yes, Comrades

People say to me, "Sarge!" I go "Mr Dread to you, arsehole," they say "Oh sorry, Mr Dread. Mr Dread, how did you get so fab and groovy and witty and interesting?" I say "Well...I didn't get it watching the fucking Mighty Boosh, I'll tell you that." How does that man manage to be so unfunny, Noel Fielding? His radio show, it's just two hours of him and the second unfunniest man in comedy nervously laughing at each others' bollocks humour.

Thought you ought to know. Onwards! No lockouts and just a touch of illness this day, but completely out the blue I found myself in a car en route to pick Nancy up two hours early. As we approached her work, there stood a petit brunette with a vacant expression next to our soon-to-be passenger. After going home, getting into another car and heading in an unknown direction, it came out that this was Gabi, a fellow manflu sufferer Nancy was giving a left home...and was very much in love with. I'm exaggerating, but she did wish Gabi'd asked if she were a lesbian. Thelma, Louise and T.A.T.U. were the insults of the day, naturally.

After getting home and once again being trumped by the concept of having to do something, we charged blindly into the city. We wound up stuck between a comic store and a music store. Going to laugh at people who have wasted their lives on Pokémon cards, Runescape and Kleenex never doesn't amuse me, so that's what we did. It was empty. Listen, freaks: My Little Pony is stored with the children's stuff - you're failures, face it. I saw a mask of one of Godzilla's biggest, baddest baddies going for $100, vomited and we left.

The music shop was classier. Sheet music was the wall and ceiling paper, which was pretty impressive for such a small establishment, a cool idea. Overpriced bagpipes, $40 ukeleles and sheet music for Yani albums, God help us all, this shop had everything covered. I nearly bought a plectrum but come on, I can't buy much else, a bassoon on the plane would be a nuisance.

Zias, Mama's. Sabrina The Teenage Witch was on - I remember getting accused of stealing a phrase from that show, but this was bogus, I'd actually stolen it from Blinky Bill. That cat sure is a handful, isn't he? Then we watched a nice, family friendly American sitcom called Family Ties, in which an uncle who was definitely a trustworthy, honest man kept patting the arse of and full on French kissing his 14 year old niece. Marty McFly starred. And I can't think of a better way to end this entry.

"Nothing by Racist Redneck Rebels?"
"It's you she's thinking of, and she told me what to say"
Alt: "Suck life in til you die"

In a bit.

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