Saturday, 25 January 2014

Son Of A Gun


Yes, Comrades

Let's do things a bit differently today. It is a new year, after all, let's get rid of all this negativity. Away with the nasty cheap shots of yesterday, out with the anecdotes laced with vitriol, let's just think positive. Happy.

So I woke from the best sleep I ever had, which was exactly what I needed and just what I always wanted. It was a relatively quiet afternoon, as uge. That's my new word which I created and is mine, which I'm very proud of. Nancy got out thirty minutes early, nothing short of fabulous, that is.

We got back from pick-up to a warm plate of spaghetti and meatballs with French bread. I love the French, especially the way the girls look like they have Donkey Kong in a headlock, that's very on-turning. I think they should put wee white flags on their army knives. What? What'd I say? Smile, you cunt!

Arizona Mills, because one of you cleverly waited until now before telling me you'd like a crystal cactus, that's pretty gnarly. Through Gameworks, then to the gift store to get that cactus, then into the pet centre to look at the cuddly, delicious puppies. Kelly Clarkson was on the radio, which is so great because she's just so talented. She can do it all from smiling to singing to looking beautiful to...well, I'm sure she has a myriad of skills. The poor ickle puppies, we just wanted to take them all home! Hehehehe!

Seriously though. We checked out the blade shop. That Halo energy sword thing is still there, how about that? The guy on duty came up and guessed my nationality and got it more or less right. We chatted for a while, we saw some of the weaponry including the stunning Scorpion Hunter. This thing was nice, and I mean nice. They had lots of Batman masks and Zelda shields, if that's yer thing. I was surprised they didn't sell cans of actual pussy repellant. The guy was very polite and cool - he was even reading a book about the history of my glorious nation by Robert Lacey.

#3. Basketball was on, which is never a quiet affair. My penchant for pointing out catchphrases made for entertainment. "Son! Of a motherfucking gun, son". When we went home, Limitless got stuck on. Bradley Cooper's alright, but the film itself was phenomenal, the idea. I'd learn every language, seduce every attractive celebrity with an internet connection, become the best at every video game ever, invent light speed travel, name a planet after myself...

Please. Pretty please? Oh please! FUCKING PLEASE!

"If you want I'll sell you a life story"

In a bit.

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