Sunday, 5 January 2014

Planet New Year


Yes, Comrades

I would sooner donate my penis to the dinosaur section of the Natural History Museum than go shopping again. I would rather try to collect Cher's entire discography, I would rather try to touch MC Hammer.

So it's not great that I have to go shopping for Irie Nancy's birthday. Myself and 'mom' took a little drive, first to Chandler to not get the first present, then out of Chandler, then all the way back to Chandler Mall to get a photography book from Barnes & Noble, cause God knows the bitch needs to learn (this couldn't be further from the truth) and a Daryl Dixon figure bobble head that don't bobble...thing.

Having not quite given up on that original present, we popped into Fry's Electronics. The first thing I notice at each store is that the entire Powerpuff Girls collection is the hottest product this season, what the shit fucking cock? Regardless of this odd distraction, I nab In The Flesh and something else and leave. We beat Nancy home by ten minutes.

The poor mare only gets about five minutes to sit down before we're off again. We stop in at the usual spot, she tops up her battery, and the four of us including Sheba and Tree head to Five Guys.

This is a restaurant with the best fries ever, which X and family miss out on because they got the wrong address. Downtown Phoenix is very different from home, it's like a different planet, with its towering structures, dazzling lights and people whose jokes have the punch line "Biologically impossible". Five Guys was very enjoyable and next it was time to head to the Crescent Ballroom.

This was like a moon of this other planet, this place was even weirder. Flamenco dancers to the left of me, half-bald waitresses to the right, there I was, stuck in the middle with a honey badger. One of the more enjoyable cocktails I've savoured, I'll admit. We toasted Nancy's birthday with a blow job. She used her hands to drink it though. All this and I forgot my bleedin' camera...

When we got back, they spent some time brainfucking me, as is tradition. Tree shared her baby daddy blues, Sheba got lost in the Phoenix Suns Zone, which is very much like The Twilight Zone, and we went home to watch The Machinist. That shit's fucked up.

"It's a delightful curse, to have wasted so much time"

In a bit.

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